Blinded
by Bipolar-Writer
Summary: Protecting everyone from the youkai is Natsume's top priority; protecting Him, who is blind to this malicious world. Maybe it's been the other way around recently, but without them, chaos is bound to happen. A dream lingers in the air, and youkai threaten to destroy close bonds.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Hello! This is my first story in this account, I used to have another but...yeah it sucked xD Anyway, I wrote this a while ago, and have the next 4 chapters done. I've had them lying around on my iPod and decided to post this now so I hope you all like this story. I really appreciate reviews and critics if any. Thanks(:

A dream. Or a nightmare, either way I knew it was reality for only a mere second. Standing on a hilltop, the breeze slightly rose my skin. Everything was so natural about this place, I almost felt at home. Almost. Nobody was around, it was empty, and despite the beauty, this place was lacking so many things. I felt it, tightly and painfully in my chest, the feeling of emptiness. It was unpleasant, almost unbearable. I could feel a presence, but it was far away and distant; all hope was lost for this beautiful land, and my knees began to buckle under me. And as my sanity slowly vanished from my bare hands, and my body gave in to the emptiness, I was caught; I was saved. Warm arms wrapped around my body, preventing me from falling down a deep, dark hole. Everything was forgotten at this moment, and as I felt myself being lifted, and my feet touched the grass and soil firmly, my eyes connected to his; to his dark blue eyes, and this land suddenly bloomed, and the emptiness was filled in the heart. Dark hair flew around his face, and a sweet smile formed on his lips. My hands subconsciously made their way to his face, to touch him, to know if this was truly real, but as I made my way, they trembled, I guess in tremor from knowing the truth, in fear of being dissapointed by the lies of this world.

"Thank you, Natsume." The words flew off his mouth like a sweet lullaby. My trembling hand fell, my mouth slightly open from surprise. His hand reached to carasse my face, along with his face that slowly inched closer. Before I knew it his lips were an inch away, his hand nearly on my face, and as my heart pounded hard on my chest, and butterflies flew all around us, he disappeared. He just disappeared in the blink of an eye, and I blinked a few times to make sure my vision wasn't deceiving me. It wasn't. He was gone. Emptiness settled in, the truth hit me in the face. I had been deceived once again. I yelled his name as loud as I could, but no response was heard. Not a single sound, nothing.

When I woke up, I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. My hands made their way to my face automatically to wipe them away, and I was surprised when more tears cascaded down my face. I felt a pang on my chest as images of my dream flooded my mind. The feeling. The closeness between us. It felt so real.

I somberly stood up and made my way to the bathroom to begin the day. When I looked at myself in the mirror I noticed how pale I looked, how drained. I didn't like it. I didn't want my friends and family to see me like this, it felt almost shameful to make them worry. I washed my face from the negative expression, and even practiced a smile after brushing my teeth and getting dressed. Nyanko-sensei was fast asleep on the sheets still, so I decided to just let him sleep since he came back really late last night. I went down to eat some breakfast, and thankfully Touko-San and Shigeru-San didn't notice any wrongness in me. I sighed in relief after I was halfway to school and looked down at the ground to see small youkai passing by my feet, and I carefully tried my best not to step on any. They are so clumsy. I chuckle.

No more youkai passed my way, and no one was around while I walked to school. The leaves from the trees rustled and petals of cherry blossoms flew about the air and landed around the area. I smiled at how beautiful the day was. The sky was a soft shade of blue, not a cloud in sight, the sun shone brightly above, and birds perched on trees to sing. Suddenly I remember my dream, the beauty, the emptiness held within it, Tanuma. It was an odd feeling, something I'd never really experienced before, but I feel very fond of him. He is very important to me, so much that I feel the need to protect him from the youkai. I don't want him to get hurt, I don't want anybody to get hurt, like last time, when I let my guard down and got stuck in the jar, Tanuma ended up being involved, ended up being hurt. Because of me.

I stopped thinking once I reached the school. I walked down the hallway, past countless people, different faces, but none of them mattered, no. I only needed to be sure, to prove my dream wrong and make sure he was there and hadn't disappeared. For some strange reason deep inside of me, I felt the need to at least know he was here, I needed it more than anything.

My feet made their way to his class. Some people sat around talking or just studying. I desperately looked for Tanuma, eyeing everyone to make sure I hadn't mistakenly missed his face, but I hadn't, Tanuma wasn't here, and all my insides screamed for him, worried immensely about him. The dream was right, he disappeared, because Tanuma always comes to school unless he's sick, and as I recall from seeing him yesterday, he was surprisingly perfectly healthy. But maybe I was wrong, maybe he was alright, I tried to calm down, taking a deep breath and I took a step into the class and walked up to a girl who talked to some other people.

"Um, excuse me, but have you seen Tanuma-kun?" I asked with an edge to my voice I hadn't noticed until I finished the questioned. The girl frowned for a moment and then looked me in the eyes. "No, he's still not here. It's still early so he might still be on his way." She said eyeing me carefully, as If trying to see into my thoughts. I avoided her eye, and smiled as I said "Oh, okay, thank you." and I walked out, looking out the window to see if he was outside. He wasn't, and I started thinking of going to see if he was at his house, or trying to call him. But I don't have a phone, and even if I had I don't have his number. I frowned at the thought, then I shook my head because it really doesn't matter.

I begin to think a youkai might have attacked him on his way to school. Or that he was so sick he was on the verge of death, and so many more negative things, so many situations Tanuma could be in right now, and I'm just standing here, not doing a single thing. What if he needs help? What if he's trapped? What if...what if...what if...?

"Natsume? Are you okay, your shaking?" A sweet and concern voice says behind me, and I feel a hand touch my shoulder. I slowly turn around to meet with his dark blue eyes, his jet black hair.

"Tanuma!" I exclaim in relief, holding back the sudden urge to throw my arms around him. "Are you okay?" I ask frantically.

He eyed me carefully before saying "Yeah, I'm fine, but you're not." He takes my hand in his and examines it. I feel my face fluster and my cheeks burn a bit, and my hand tremble more, and Tanuma tighten his grip on my hand as if to make it stop. He examines my face, and I can see the deep worry and sorrow in his eyes as he stares at mine back. He lightly lets go of my hand and signed.

"Natsume, I-"

The school bell began to ring, cutting him off. I see he sighs again, and he gives me a sad look and a smile.

"I'll see you later, Tanuma." I say and begin to make my way to my class, leaving Tanuma in the middle of the hallway. My worried thoughts drift to nothingness, but the dream still lingers in my mind, and before I walk into my class I look back down the hallway to see Tanuma doing the same. I give him a sheepish smile, and he seems to do the same as we both walk into the class.

...

The lesson given in class honestly tires me. I feel my eyelids heavy and they try to close as I try my best to pay attention to the lecture. The teacher's voice seems to drift off and the class becomes dark in my eyes. My thoughts are blank and I rest my head on my arms tiredly, givin in to sleep.

...

My dream is blurry, all I can make up is myself, standing on top of the same hill from before, looking sorrowful. He didn't come back. I thought so. Other things happen, but the blurriest won't allow me to see. I give up on it and focus on the blur, on nothing in particular, really.

...

My eyes open to the sound of my name, and when I raise my head from the desk I see Sasada poking me with her pen.

"Natsume, are you okay? You look really pale." She says worriedly. I smile kindly and reassure her that I'm okay, and she just nods her head and walks away. I stand up from my chair and meet with my two friends, who seem all giddy and as happy as ever. I smile and dismiss them, telling them I'll talk to them later and I walk out of the class room and look out the window, resting my elbows on the windowsill. Outside a few clouds cover the sky unlike before, and a few people pass by the front of the school. I see a small, chibi-looking youkai walk down the street and I can't help but think its kind of cute.

A strange feeling suddenly hits me, and I look around the campus with narrowed eyes. "Natsume~!" I heard my name being called out, in a hissing but playful way. My eyes widened as I looked at the tree I always sit under, and I notice within the leaves of the tree, a youkai that looked like a cloud of dark smoke with a mask of drawn kitty features. I was taken aback by the sudden presence, and took a step back before I heard the youkai's voice malign laughter morphed into something like a woman and a man's laugh. I saw the youkai rushing its way towards me, smiling widely under its mask, showing it's sharp teeth. I yelled as the youkai entered my body laughing. My body fell back, my head hit the hard floor. I didn't lose consciousness but I couldn't move. My body wouldn't respond, no matter how much I tried to move my arms or legs it was impossible. People rushed towards me in worry. I noticed Taki, Sasada, and a few others calling out to me, but what I noticed the most was Tanuma, who made his way into the small crowd of people and towards me, kneeling down and yelling my name frantically. I felt myself being lifted by a pair of strong arms, and noticed it was Tanuma taking me to the nursery along with the rest of my friends. My face rested on his chest, and it actually felt really nice, I felt like I wanted to stay there for as long as possible. He put me in the bed as the nurse quickly came over and inspected me while asking about the incident. As they went on to explain to her how they found me lying on the floor, I felt her fingers on my neck and a gasp afterwards. Worried questions were quickly asked, and the nurse took a step back to see them more clearly. "Natsume is- he has no pulse, he's dead." Silence filled the room, as everybody processed this new tragedy, and my eyes widened, or would have widened if I had control over them now. I wasn't dead, I could hear every word they said, I could see them. So how did-

My rambling thoughts ceased as I heard my friend's voices.

"Natsume is...what... ?" I heard one of them ask as if he hadn't heard the nurse clearly, but he had, he just didn't want to admit it. The nurse shook her head sadly. "There's nothing we can do, he's been dead for a few minutes now." She said with an edge to her voice. I felt all eyes on me. Someone approached me, and I saw Tanuma's face. Tanuma, my dearest friend, so strong and valuable now had tears rushing down his face, his body trembling uncontrollably. Sobs escaped from everyone, and Tanuma carcasses my hair ever so slightly.

"Natsume, I'm sorry. I'm so-so so-rry!" He tried to hold on as the rest of them gathered around me sadly. I couldn't bare to see them like this and not be able to move, to speak, to do anything. I tried oh so desperately to move, I felt anguish take over me. I felt tears forming in my eyes and suddenly I could lift my finger just a little, and before the nurse called for the principal or Touko-San, I shot up from the bed, gasped in deeply new fresh air. My body was stiff and it trembled uncontrollably. My friends all gasped in shock, and the phone the nurse had on her hand fell to the floor, and more tears fell down their faces. My heart felt as if it were going to explode as they all called my name and hugged me tightly. Tanuma's hair carassed my face as he and the rest of them hugged me tightly. My trembling hand made its way to his back, and I tried to pull him closer if possible. When they all finally let go, and their cheeks dried of tears, they slowly pulled back, and my hand fell from his back. I gave them a small smile as soon as they stood further from me, and despite my trembling voice, I said "T- Thank you all. I- I'm sorry for worrying you." I feel a strange pang in my chest, something of sorrow. I shook my head and sigh.

"Don't be, Natsume! You were dead! I don't know how you...you came back but- I'm glad!" Taki said taking a step closer to me. Everyone nodded in agreement, and I just stared at each and every one of them with such great happiness, my eyes watered, tears threatens to fall but I held them back.

"Thank you." I say and smile. Smile genuinely with all my heart, because they actually care, because they truly are my friends. The kind I'd never had.

...

As I was about to take my leave to my house, I heard someone call out to me. I looked back to see Tanuma rushing towards me, waving his hand to signal he was there. I stopped and waited for him to catch up. When he finally did he took a deep breath, then stood up straight and smiled my way.

"Let's go together." He says kindly. I stare at him intently, searching for something deeper in his dark eyes. Something...of similarity to me.

"Natsume?" He suddenly asks softly, his eyes take a glint of worry, something I've always seen in him. He's very caring, yet very quiet. I smile slightly his way. "Okay."

My expression is mirrored by him, and we make our way to our houses. I shove my hands in my pockets, feeling the cold of the slight breeze coming our way. Cherry blossoms dance along with it, the sky is clouded, yet a ray of sun manages to escape the clouds. I look down at my feet, feeling my hands slightly quiver. Silence has taken over since we left the school, though it's not awkward nor is it uncomfortable. I feel at ease with him at my side. Like if he was next to me, I could protect him from the youkai. He couldn't see them, he was blind to that mysterious world, all he could do was scence them, but it wasn't enough to save himself. It was a world I could guide him through, only if he let me. I don't want to lose him.

I look at him, his hair flowing along with the breeze, his eyes fixated on the path before him. I noticed a glint of something different, something I'd only seen once loom within his dark eyes. Melancholy. He looked down at his feet, admiring the way his shoes touched the ground. A strange feeling pangs my chest; my hand slowly made its way to his shoulder, where it rested slightly, carefully but firmly. Tanuma turned to meet my eyes with puzzled ones.

"Tanuma, why did you apologize when I was...unconscious." The words fell from my mouth directly, and he looked surprised at my question. We didn't stop walking, I felt my feet were automatically moving on their own. Tanuma's face looked troubled, and I am quickly swept with guilt as he averts his vision from mine.

"I- I..." He sighed, and I knew this must be hard to express. Feelings are something I've never learned to express, and I suppose he is the same as I suddenly feel distant from him. The breeze picks up speed, blowing our hair wildly around our heads. My house comes to view, only a few feet away, and Tanuma stops me, standing right besides me with his head turned towards me and a serious expression on his face. The words he utters flowed through me, made me imagine thousands of things in just mere seconds; Wins and Losses.

"Because I thought I had failed to protect you."

Such simple and unsignificant words to others meant oh so much to me. The closeness of our shoulders startled me, and I backed away, felt my eyes clouded with tears I have been so desperately trying to shun out. Silence follows us, as we stand side by side waiting for something to happen, not knowing exactly what. I lift my head, looking directly at the house before me; my home, and I thank him; I thank him with a conspicuous edge to my voice. I hear him voice my name, as my feet quickly make their way into my home, as tears threaten to fall without much of a reason. I hear Touko-san's voice welcoming me back, and that dinner will be ready in about an hour, and I try my best to tell her I understand without worrying her, and quickly make my way to my room. The door slides closed behind me, and I am helpless as agony takes its toll on me. I notice Nyanko-sensei sittin on the open windosill. He gives me a look as I walk in. I stand my ground as tears roll down my face unintentionally. I don't do anything in attempt to wipe them away, I stand in my own misery, I feel...incomplete.

No sobs escape my mouth, only tears stream down my face. Nobody is around to comfort me and it is better this way. I stand for myself, even if I can barely defend myself. I am weak, I know this, and I am reassured by the expression Sensei gives me from the windowsill. I don't do much for the rest of the day, apart from putting on a satisfactory smile for the sake of my family and myself. Later I go to sleep. Sleep a dreamless slumber, and feel I've had enough dreams for the week. My mind is blank, and I drift off to nothingness.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: A/N: School's been on the way so my apologies for not updating as soon as I expected I would. I rewrote the whole chapter because the previous one was kinda dumb xD Anyway, well, I hope you like this chapter, though it's just a bit of development for the impact! :D

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"Takashi?" The sound of the kind woman's voice echoes into the dark room. My eyes shot open as I feel her step closer and inspect my face. She gives me a kind smile as I rub my eyes from sleep and take a sitting position. Sensei, who lay on top of me, fell to the side and quickly stood up to make himself comfortable again next to my side. "Sorry to wake you up, but your friends are here." She says softly. I give her a puzzled look whilst I slide off of my sheets and stand up. "They're waiting outside, I thought you'd be awake considering the time though." I automatically looked out my window, and noticed how darkened the sky was, overshadowed by the gray clowds. "It's okay Touko-san." I reassured her with a kind smile. "Tell them to come up." She smile and nodded, and walked out the door. Soon enough, I gathered a change of clothes and began undressing myself. My body felt numb to the touch of the soft fabric, as the shirt slipped down my torso, but in a way felt soft. As I pulled up my pants, I noticed the door sliding open and panicked, quickly trying to pull them all the way around my waist but only making it to my thighs as soon as Tanuma took a step in. "Hey Natsu-MEEE!" He quickly backed away from the room, knocking Taki to the floor and sliding the door shut. My face burned like a hot skillet, and I could feel the embarrassment shake throughout my body as I quickly buttoned up my pants. I wasn't sure with what expression I should face them, or at least Tanuma who was the only witness, but as I reached my hand to slide the door open, my face felt like a thousand suns mixed together. Tanuma stood right in front of the door, and once I'd slide it open there he was. We both fell back in surprise/shock, and maybe I was having a heart attack soon, because my heart was running full speed.

"Gomenasai Natsume!" Tanuma half shouted desperately while getting up from the floor. I stood up by myself, and noticed Taki standing behind Tanuma, whom looked amused by the supposed "act" before her; her grin said it all. "I didn't know..."

"That's okay, it's my fault, I should have changed sooner." I say, scratching the back of my head and trying to hide my embarrassment through my voice. He sighs in utter relief and I invite them to come in. We sit on the floor and chat about school and any other subject that presents itself as the embarrassment wears off. The air feels much easier to breath once all is forgotten and my hands feel at ease. Nyanko-sensei woke up, and Taki quickly attacked him with her bear hugs and constant cuddling and baby talk; he just looked worn out and probably had no strength to fight her off. Tanuma and I exchanged looks and laughed while Taki fell in her dream world of cat lovers.

After a while, Nyanko-sensei looked up at her and jumped off of her hands. He gave her stern look and said "Stop treating me like such a weakling animal foolish girl." in a serious tone, but all Taki did was chuckle and yet again attempt to get a hold of him. He just jumped up to the windowsill and watched us with tired eyes. Taki sighed and gave up on him...for now.

"Anyway, I wanted to ask you guys for a favor." Taki said averting her eyes, and then proceeding to tell us about some documents she needed to find in her, yet again, messy basement. Tanuma and I exchanged looks, as if we needed each other's approval to decide weather to help our friend or not; which we really didn't, but maybe I just wanted to see the look on his face for the slightest second; either way, we both nodded our heads in agreement and smiled, my smile hanging low and looking almost forced, which in all truth, was.

Later that day, we found ourselves surrounded by stacks of papers which we had to actually sort out, in a dark and messy basement, where the only light provided was from the door. I narrowed my eyes to read the date of the headline of the document, and placed it on a stack in front of us, where we'd sort out by different dates. This would take us all day, and I must admit I was beginning to get somewhat agitated by the large amount of papers, and maybe I thought Tanuma would be in his worse state, yet, when I looked to my side, he seemed to have a subconscious grin drawn on his lips. He seemed so calm, as his dark eyes scanned the document, and so careful when he put it on the rest of the stack. My eyes felt like they were frozen to him, and I just couldn't look away. His shoulder rose mine every time he leaned forward to place a paper in its stack, and for some reason he never noticed, and for some reason I didn't mind. For many reasons I couldn't take my eyes away from him, but for thousands of reasons I could be judged.

I looked away, painstakignly, but I did, as soon as I saw his grin dissapearing, and his head turning to see me. I looked down at the paper that lay on my lap and I scanned it without even reading, and hurriedly put it in the stack in front of me so he wouldn't notice, but I was a fool, and he'd notice. He reached over to the paper I had just placed in one stack and read it over. "Natsume, this doesn't go there." He said placing it in its rightful place. Taki chuckled from my right side and I just rolled my eyes as I felt my ears redden. "Gomenasai." I mumbled, now trying to concentrate on my task. From the corner of my eye I saw Tanuma roll his eyes at me and got back to sorting papers. Later on I found myself being entranced by him again, I don't know why particularly, but there was something about him that made me wonder...something that was maybe hidden; Maybe I was over thinking it too much, but it felt as though I needed to know. Something that was not right in his usual facade and the way he though about life. Something I was bound to figure out sooner or later.

And yet again, when he looked at me I looked away. It felt as though if he noticed my eyes staring back, he'd figure out all my thoughts and read them like an open book. Somehow my mind felt exposed, and I'd have to keep it hidden with far too much effort than usual. In my desperate attempt, I'd yet again sort another page wrong and yet again he'd put it in its rightful place. This would happen too many times for my liking, and got to the point where he almost looked annoyed and his corrections bothered me. He'd put the paper in its rightful place and I'd throw him a dirty look without even noticing, only until later when I caught myself and looked down at my lap, feeling my emotions get the best of me. One time I'd notice my mistake, and as I was about to move the paper, he'd quickly reach his hand at the same time. Our hands found themselves holding on the edges of the paper, and this sudden possessive feeling filled me up, and I yanked the paper away and placed it where it needed to be. This time I felt my expression change to the worse ones, almost deathly, and I noticed how Tanuma frowned, probably noticing and feeling the same, but after a few seconds his expression changed drastically. He now had this soft, kind smile placed on his face and he looked at me strangely. He seemed to be in deep thought, almost making no attempt to looking at the pages. His smile fell, replaced with a frown, and he reached out a hand in attempt to touch my head, but as soon as I felt his finger tips caress my hair, I abruptly shoved his hand away, feeling somewhat annoyed and at the same time surprised. "Yamete!" I yelled with a furious voice, standing up from my spot. His and Taki's eyes widened and so did mine, and this terrible feeling began to form itself in the bottom of my stomach, and my heart raced and I couldn't find the air to breathe. Tanuma's hand hovered in the place my head had been seconds ago, and it slowly fell to his side, and he shook his head and stuttered a nervous apology, but I cut him off half way though, apologizing on my own, and, afterwards, feeling embarrassment flood my very being.

We all sat in silence for the longest of time, none of us touching the now few papers we had left to organize. I looked down at my lap to see the papers, and thought they were never ending. I quickly sorted out a few and stood up from the dusty floor, placig the remaining stack where I sat. "I- I should-"

"Oi Natsume, what's going on?" Asked Nyanko-sensei, who had just entered though the door, coming back from a banquet Taki had prepared for him. I avoided his gaze, averting my eyes to the floor besides me and said "Nothing." In my lowest tone. I noticed he frowned as he walked into the room and looked around. "What a dump."

"Hey, Natsume-" Tanuma began but I cut him off, abruptly turning around and smiling, almost sinister-like. "It's okay!" I said all too desperately, and with a slight edge to my voice, surprising even an apathetic Nyanko-sensei. I blinked a few times, surprising even myself for how I'd react, then shook my head and gave a shaky sigh. "Anyway, we should finish up here, I have to go soon." I finished up, my strange smile vanishing and my voice back to normal. I gave a blank expression and sat myself on the floor in between my two friends, who I felt looked at me with worried eyes. I felt stiff as my hands made their way to the papers I'd once had in my hands and finished sorting them out. Taki and Tanuma followed my steps, but once in a while, I felt them look at each other and then at me; I never looked up from the papers. I felt Nyanko-sensei's eyes stare at me from the cardboard boxes he lay upon, giving me a thoughtful look, as if I was some type of youkai he'd never heard about. I felt stuck, motionless and awkward, and all I wanted was to finish up and run home; It felt as though their eyes were burning my skin. I felt my heart thumping on my chest as I found the rightful place of the last paper in my hands, and as quickly as I put it in the stack, I stood up and took a few steps back to look at them with a kind, fake smile. "Gomen Taki, I really have to go." I said. I noticed Nyanko-sensei land on the ground and follow me to the door. Taki shook her head, but smiled and nodded. "I'll see you later then." I nodded from the door, and before I walked out, I noticed Tanuma's puzzled and surprised face. I noticed so many emotions passing by that I couldn't decide which was the worst. I let the thought slip away, and Nyanko-sensei's presence besides me forgotten as I walked out of Taki's house and into the woods. I just wanted to go home, to forget about youkai and forget about Tanuma and forget about my jumbled up emotions. I felt everything was a mess, yet I didn't know exactly what was causing it. I didn't know anymore, and it felt like everything was better before than right now. Maybe I was wrong, but my head was nothing but a mess that could not be fixed today. I wanted to let my thoughts flow, yet not pay attention to them at all. I wanted to feel happy, to make Tanuma and even Taki the least bit of happy, but maybe I was doing the opposite, maybe it was all my fault.

I stopped. I stopped because I was going far too deep into this black hole that felt like it was sucking in my heart. I stopped myself from thinking, and by then even noticed the voice that shouted my name behind me. I didn't have to turn around to know who it was, but I did anyway, and as I did, there was Tanuma, running towards me. He stopped right in front of me, caught his breath quickly and looked at me. His expression was concerned as he looked into my eyes, yet the voice he used to speak was a rough one to my ears. "Natsume! Don't just take your leave like that! You worry me!" I blinked at him, as he breathed a bit heavily and sighed. I wasn't sure to either apologize or run off again, but I stood there, staring at him, waiting for him to say another word. He opens his mouth slowly, as if wanting to say something but still trying to figure out what. "Oi, if it's about me, I'm-"

"Shut up..." I cut him off quietly. He stared at me dumbfounded, as if my words did not fit into the mindless conversation, or as if he were expecting other words from my mouth. He uttered my name, but I cut him off midway, telling him to shut up more loudly than I had before. His mere presence made me uncomfortable to the bone, maybe it always had and I'd just notice, but being around Tanuma always gave me this delicate atmosphere that I should always be careful with my words; this time I'd broken that, and my words cut him like sharp knives. He looked hurt as I gave him my back and began to walk my way, and maybe I was feeling a little empty inside, maybe even cold and somehow annoyed, but I didn't regret it. Maybe it was all for the best, maybe I wanted to cut ties with him, or maybe I was too deep into denial to go back.

* * *

-Gomenasai- I'm Sorry

-Gomen- Sorry

(felt like noting that out O_o)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Well hello. It took me a while to finish this up, sorry about that, but I'm trying to make things fall into place a little more. I sometimes feel like things don't even make sense to me XD But it will all be understood soon! Now please enjoy this chapter as I take a few more weeks to write another one T^T

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Sunday rolls in and passes by in a daze, with so much as give out names the few youkai that come in. My intricate feelings screw me up at best. I ask myself the same questions over and over, with so much of an answer. Why am I like this? Why do I feel so...unlike myself? Throughout the whole day I rest my head by the windowsill, watching as the day passes by.

Nyanko-sensei sits besides my head, eying me carefully for the longest of time; time I didn't care to keep track of. "Humans are so intricate." He says with a hint of apathy to his voice. I chuckle at the silly fake cat and pet his head gently.

"Nyanko-sensei, sometimes I wish I was a cat. Life seems more carefree." My hand returns to my knee and Nyanko-sensei scratched his head longingly. I ignore his silly act, and soon after he stops scratching his head.

"You're a strange one, aren't you?" He says, now more thoughtfully, and I don't say anything because I've considered that many times. Considered myself the strangest of them all. With my inhuman abilities and my bipolar feelings, it feels as though I am not well established in my own world.

We sat in silence, Sensei studying me in somewhat anticipation, as if there was something out of the ordinary, yet he couldn't figure it out. I paid no mind to his eyes and watched as a bird perched on a tree to sing. Later on, Sensei seemed to give up on whatever he was thinking about and fell asleep in the spot. When my eyes began to get heavy and my head fell to the side, Touko-San knocked on my door making me shot up. She asked if I was alright. I realize I'd been sitting there for longer than expected, but quickly reassured her I was fine and proceeded to go to sleep. Night had fallen in the most unrecognizable way; the day had been so short, it felt as though hours where minutes and minutes were seconds. Dreams weren't a good thing, that is if I'd had any. Nothingness seems to find its way every night, mirroring my feelings, unlike the beautiful dream I'd had that somehow turned into the strangest of nightmares. Maybe it means something, maybe it's just as meaningless as nothing, either way, I try to not concern myself with any facts, but end up caught up in my own mind, every single time.

...

Monday passed by in slow motion, anticipating the end of the day. Nothing out of the ordinary happens, or better yet, nothing to startle me out of my dream like state. After cleaning up my desk and such with the rest of my class, I walked down the hallways, my steps barely making a sound, my presence unnoticed. Silently. Nobody spoke to me, I didn't mind. I mind my own self, and truly forget others and just leave them behind. They aren't precious in my life, so I truly don't mind.

Tanuma's scent caught my senses, and I remember him in my head yet again. His kindness, honesty and care; he was so precious, so sweet, I could never leave him behind, but somehow it felt as though I was doing exactly that.

He hurried on past me. Our eyes connect as he looked back and notices me. Noticing the glint of the smallest joy in the right corner of his eyes, I had to hold myself back and look away. Such closeness might be forbidden; even if it isn't physical but very much emotional. Though his mere presence lured me in, it somehow turned my head upside down in repulsiveness, and I quickly wondered where these feelings had emerged from. I kept on walking, looking at the exit door and hurrying out. I felt claustrophobic, like the walls were beginning to closing in. Tanuma left my field of vision, walking out the exit door, never looking back, and an unintelligible sigh escaped my mouth.

Taking a step outside, while the autumn breeze rose my skin, a soft hand grasp my arm, surprisingly gentle. I stopped. Breathed in deeply. I turned around and looked at the black hair, at the dark blue eyes and the pale skin of the one that was once supposed to be my only hope, was still probably my only hope, but I didn't know anymore. Days like these seem hopeless. Helpless. Irksome.

"Hey Na-"

"Tanuma!" I interrupt his gentle voice with unintentional bitterness. I shook my head, and slowly slipped my arms away from his grasp, feeling a slight tingle run down my stomach. "What are you doing?" I felt my insides shrink with every word, yet a knot begins to form in my throat and I can't take standing there anymore. I spot a glint of hurt in his eyes that pulls me back, sets me on firm ground where I can look him in the eyes and think more clearly, but when he tries to grasp my hand again, I shove his hand away compulsively. Soon after regret is written all over me, and I knew he'd noticed right away.

He looked at me in disbelief, but even though he quickly tried to regain his blank expression I could see it all in his eyes, the confusion and the hurt. My expression somewhat mirrors his, though I could feel the knot on my throat tighten and my stomach burn to a crisp. "How are you...?" He asks ever so gently, his voice unbelievably painfully edgy. I shook my head. No word escapes my mouth, because not even I myself can truly answer that. Many times have I asked myself this, the answer never found. Seconds pass by, me looking at the ground and Tanuma waiting for my answer that never comes. I feel a longing pain in my chest that wants to draw me in closer to him, but the knot in my throat holds me back.

"Why can't you just trust me?" He utters with the slightest bitterness in his voice that pierces my chest, yet the pain is quickly misunderstood. Suddenly he looks up and yells right in my face. "How do you not trust me! You keep lying to me even though I told you not to!" I stare back at him with a blank expression, though I can feel my insides burning with a horrible feeling I could barely identify. I said nothing, because I felt that if I opted to speak everything would become worse. But Tanuma didn't digress, instead his arms shook my shoulders violently when I wouldn't respond, and in a desperate tone uttered "You're becoming a liar."

I punched him, I don't know why, or with what intention, but I did. Maybe the thought of the most precious person in my life calling me a liar set it all off, but I wasn't in well balance with myself today, or any other day for that matter. My whole body trembled as my hand releases its fist. Tanuma's expression was shattered; I could barely feel mine as my heart thumped painfully in my chest. I backed away from his painful glare and the sparkle that glint in his eye. I took a few steps back before I completely turned around and ran. I ran and I felt like SUCH a coward as I felt the rough breeze hit my face. Though tears never slid from my dry eyes, my insides were burning me whole. Things had gone out of hand, out of my own grasp. I was in a whole new era of carelessness. I was lost in my own way and I didn't know what was wrong and I felt so WRONG. I felt this terrible feeling whenever I saw him, was near him, yet when thoughts of him aroused I felt the need to BE with him, and though the same feeling lingered around my gut, I still wanted to be surrounded by his presence, of someone as precious as him. Everything was simply upside down and my lopsided feelings had once again, screwed me up in the worst of ways possible.

I couldn't do anything, couldn't even bare the thought of actually LIVING. I barged into my room wanting to just rest and forget this day ever happened, but instead was faced with something out of the ordinary. I noticed someone sitting to one side of my room, legs crossed, eyes closed and hands on their lap. I carefully walk closer to the figure, and noticed the similarity it has to my features, in fact, it was identical to me and somehow it even frightened me. Only his pale face was as white as a sheet, and his hair lighter than mine. He wore a black kimono that reached his ankles, and was barefoot. I reach out my hand carefully to touch it, but it went right through, as if it where nothing but a shadow. It didn't even acknowledge my pretense, in fact, besides its breathing, it almost seemed like a lifeless statue. I wondered where Nyanko-Sensei ran off to, so I could ask him what it was and be sure it was nothing but a harmless youkai that took people's appearance, but after a while I grew accustomed to it, and didn't even see the harm in it, and besides, I was too tired to worry myself with such situation.

I threw myself on the futon, in full uniform and the bag still slung around my shoulder, and I fell asleep. Touko-san had come in to wake me for dinner, but I didn't budge. I wouldn't. I couldn't. Facing them with such a fake facade was unbearable. She took the bag from my shoulder and replaced it with a blanket that covered my body, then she proceeded to leave.

I am so glad I have her; so kind, so precious, yet the difference between my feelings for her and my feelings for Tanuma are a huge gap of difference. Touko-San is like my mother; IS my mother. I only wish to protect her and make her happy, in exchange for the happiness she'd brought into my life when she adopted me. But with Tanuma it's different. And yes, I want to protect him and make him happy, but in exchange of what? Being my friend, trusting me more than I trust him. Him wanting to protect me. I was in the wrong to have done that to him, but I didn't know what to do anymore. I'd broken everything and he most probably hated me now and I didn't know what to do or how or why, and I was SO confused.

...

Nyanko-Sensei jumped into the room, and I could feel his eyes staring at my back intently for a while as he so often did these days. I didn't know what time it was or how long I'd been lying there, but I felt my stomach growl and I opened my eyes instantly. The first things I noticed was the youkai, still sitting blankly by the window, then the clock that read in bold red lights 7:00AM. I shot up from the futon, feeling my stiff body crack. Nyanko-sensei looked me in the eyes as I stood up. We exchanged looks, me wondering if he'd noticed the look-alike youkai sitting almost besides him, but I was too tired to point it out. I walked into the bathroom to get ready for school. As I entered, I stared back at my pale reflection and my wrinkled uniform (luckily I had a spare one). I looked worn out, faint dark circles forming under my eyes. I felt weak and almost drained, but I stood up straight and proceeded to my morning routine. Before going down for breakfast, I looked at the youkai, wondering I'd it was alright to just leave it there, and then I looked at Nyanko-Sensei, who jumped down from the windowsill and towards me. If it were dangerous I knew Sensei would tell me, so I discarded it from my worries and went down to breakfast. Touko-San gave me a worried look when I'd join the family for breakfast. She watched as I ate my food silently and quickly stoop up and announced my leave. "Take it easy Takashi. I don't want you over stressing yourself with school or anything." She smiled wearily and I mirrored her expression in spite of her.

"Don't worry Touko-San," I reassured, scratching the back of my head. "I'm okay."

When I was ready to go, Nyanko-Sensei followed behind oddly quiet. I frowned, knowing he'd usually complain about anything that presented itself at the moment, but he just walked by my side and didn't say a word, as if he was an actual normal pet cat. It was a strange behavior, he would have at least warned me about the youkai, or maybe it was such a weak one he didn't even care to speak about it. Either way, I forgot about the topic and went on with my worries. My mind was too busy screaming in terror to think much of the youkai. I could feel it all over my body. I was afraid. I didn't know what kind of expression to make. After such an incident it was almost impossible to face him with a straight face, and as I walked in through the gates of the school, I stopped breathing all at once and walked into the building in fearful anticipation. The hallways were crowded with people heading to class, socializing or just walking around. There were still about 15 minutes before class started, but I headed to my class anyway. Before I entered I noticed Taki walking out of the class besides mine, and I walked over to her to greet her, but instead received a strange glare from her as she turned and noticed me with my hand halfway up.

"Natsume, how could you do such a thing to Tanuma-kun!" She said angrily, but with worry written all over her. "You guys are like the best of friends, I just don't understand what's going on." I frowned as soon as I noticed the look Taki was giving me. Those eyes. Like the ones from before. From the people in my past and the ones from my nightmares. The eyes of repulsion. I could feel the knot form itself on my throat and that terrible feeling arise once again. Taki was turning against me, I could see it happening right before my eyes. As she saw I did not respond and only managed to frown, she shook her head and walked away without another word. I felt everything was falling too quickly, and I could barely hold on. I was losing one of the most precious people in my life, and that was certainly NOT right. The feeling was welling up inside of me as I turned to walk into the class behind me in search of my "best friend". I spotted him setting his desk by the right side of the room, rummaging around his bag looking for something. I walked over to him hurriedly, and stood right in front of him. He didn't seem to notice me right away, until he found what he was looking for and then saw me look at him with a frown.

"How could you turn Taki against me Tanuma!" I said bitterly, not looking him in the eyes though. His eyes widened but were quickly replaced by a frown. He then proceeded to look for something else in his bag and answered roughly "I didn't, if she turned against you it was her own choice." He was obviously avoiding looking me in the eyes for unknown reasons, but instead of looking hurt or worried as he usually did, he looked dead serious and unkind, unusual for Tanuma himself. I took a step back, suddenly frightened by his mere presence and shook my head sadly. "Sumimasen." I said somewhat confident. Tanuma stopped rummaging around his bag. For a moment he didn't do anything. Then he just closed his bag and stared at it as if he had no other choice. "You think an apology will solve everything Natsume?" Tanuma was shaking, and his voice was angered and edgy all around. I kept my head shook because I could not face him and he could not face me. "You're wrong! You've passed that line!" His voiced raised, and I looked up to his face feeling oddly insulted and half yelled "It's your fault!" Voicing my jumbled up thoughts. "How is it MY fault? Tell me! How?!" This time Tanuma's head shot up and looked at me with intense eyes, his voice as angry as I'd ever heard it. Fear flooded out of me, and this new side of him shook my whole being and made me truly mad. I opened my mouth to once again voice my thoughts, but Tanuma's desperate voice filled the thin air. "It's your fault for not accepting my help. For leaving me in the shadows. We're supposed to be best friends yet you act like I'm an incoherent stranger, so what am I supposed to do? Say that everything is alright? Act like we're the greatest of friends?"

I clenched my fist tight and shook my head, trying to contain the ANGER and the tears that were forming in my eyes. "You CAN'T DO ANYTHING TANUMA! JUST STOP! This isn't a game!" My voice echoed around the room bringing everyone's attention towards us, but frankly I didn't care, and Tanuma apparently didn't either. "You want to help yet your abilities are useless! You're useless!"

"Shut Up." Tanuma uttered darkly, almost malignantly.

"No!" I yelled. His eyes darted to mine darkly, almost deadly.

"Natsume just leave!" Tanuma yelled, clenching his teeth and holding back his fists. He looked down, his bangs covering his eyes. For the first time I notice the bruise on his right cheek...where I'd punch him, and I felt the smallest of guilt mix with my great amount of anger. I took a step back, wondering where I truly wanted this all to lead, what was the point, but nothing came, so I ran; I ran like the coward I am. I found myself at the courtyard, trying to catch my breath and holding back frustrated tears. Nyanko-sensei stared at me blankly, as if I were a mindless idiot. His eyes judged me well and I could definitely tell. I was completely in the wrong. I could see this, but I was too deep in denial. What had happened to that dream where everything was beautiful, and we were happy? A dream turned into a nightmare, that was probably the warning sign that I had not paid attention to. But I didn't care. I was tired and frustrated and just MAD. I could barely stand living, yet I carried myself back to class with my head held low. I decided to stop. To let things flow by themselves. I prayed that everything was for the best, but I knew it wasn't. Despite my immense anger that was burning me from the inside, I knew Tanuma's words where all right in judgement, but I could not allow for him to get hurt, even if I myself hurt him endlessly with my grave mistakes.

That evening, I returned home to the youkai that looked just like me. I noticed its eyes were slightly opened, looking down, and could see a shade of black in them. I once again tried to touch it with no avail, and Nyanko-Sensei still hadn't acknowledged its presence. I was beginning to think it was my own imagination playing tricks on me, but the way Sensei looked at me now and then told me something was off. Something I just couldn't see myself.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: It's been what? 3 months? I am a horrible writer, sorry for my tardiness. I saw that a few people added my story to favorite or followed, so thank you so much, it motivated me to write. I'll try my best to finish up the next chapter in less than a month. I hope you all like this chapter, although it's not as long as it should be orz_

* * *

I needed something else. Something to clear my mind off, and wash my senseless emotions away. I was way in too deep into despair, or something along its meaning. I don't know exactly why, or how, because quite frankly I have a nice life with my new family and friends, but something seems off. The way the ayakashi look at me truly frightens me. It's eyes, those which resemble mine, remind me of my past. The threats. The nameless faces that called me a liar over and over again. The countless relatives I shared a living with for no more than a few weeks. The desperate screams that ricocheted inside my head, "Help! Help!" I yelled, but nobody could hear, for no one knew who I truly was. I was nameless. Just a boy that you could call out, and he'd look up with a flustered face as you insult him endlessly. He'd end up trying desperately not to lose his sanity over mere words, those that etched his heart. I'd been taken in by such a kind family, something completely unreal for me. I could barely believe it, so much that I was overwhelmed by all the emotions that I'd locked up deep inside. And I couldn't help but smile because someone had heard my wails. I was not alone anymore. Someone truly cared. I'd be okay. I'd be okay...

The ayakashi was smirking now. It looked somewhat sinister with its wide smirk and its half opened eyes. This time I didn't even try to touch it; I barely even looked at it. It seemed to be harmless, yet I got a slight bad vibe about it. Though Nyanko-Sensei had not said a word about it, I couldn't help but find it strange. Suddenly appearing in my room, it must've meant something, but truthfully I hadn't thought much into it up until now. The thought of a strange spirit look-alike sitting in my room for endless hours had me on edge all day. I ended up drifting off into thought so much, that I was startled when someone snapped me out of it. Touko-San looked very worried, much more than she usually would. She moved the hair from my forehead to feel for some kind of sign that I had a fever or something like it, for my behavior was not usual. "You're so cold Takashi. Are you feeling well?" She asked as she caressed my face like a mother would to to her small child. I chuckled lightly and gave her a sad smile. The least I wanted to do was worry her, so I'd try my best to be okay. To not worry her with anything from the spirit world.

"I feel fine Touko-San. You don't have to worry about me." I reassured her with a kind smile. I carefully stood up from the chair, making sure not to trip with anything and not make her worry more if possible. "I'll be leaving now." I said after giving her a slight wave. I took my bag from the floor and walked out of the kitchen.

"Be careful Takashi." Both my foster parents said simultaneously. I looked up the stairs to my room, falling back into the thought of the strange youkai, and no matter how many distractions I faced, the thought always found a way to surface back again. I just couldn't help but wonder how such a thing could appear so suddenly. I made a mental note to ask Nyanko-Sensei about it later on when I found him. I estimated that I'd stared at the stairs for quite a while when Touko-San came out of the kitchen and asked what was wrong. I blinked a few times before coming back to my senses and headed to the door, reassuring her for the tenth time in one week that everything was fine. As I left the house, I wasn't sure if that was the truth or a genuine lie. I'd began to tell myself I was fine. That my life was nice. What else could I ask for, when I have everything I thought I'd never had. A great family and friends. A precious friend. I think of Tanuma, and soon enough, feel things go upside down. Such a precious friend, yet I detest to be close to him. I shut my eyes and pray this horrible feeling to go away, but deep inside me I know it won't. I remember the incident that unfolded the previous day and shook my head in despair. I'd admitted it was my fault, but genuinely I blamed it all on Tanuma. He'd turn Taki against me. Used my actions to judge me falsely when in reality he had been the one to speak so bitterly. This was my beliefs, and I would not let go of them so easily. Tanuma was in the wrong this time. He was at fault. He ruined our friendship.

When I reached the school I trembled in anticipation. I looked around the crowd of students, making sure Tanuma wasn't around. When I was sure the coast was clear, I walked casually into the building, but was quickly surprised, as I opened the door, to find myself face to face with said boy. We exchanged looks for a moment, before he brushed pass me with a fallen face. A pang of guilt reached my heart, but was quickly discarded as the thoughts were remembered. He was at fault. He needed to apologize.

The day went about like this. I exchanged looks with him in the hallway. Meeting such sad eyes was very depressing, to a point where the burning in my chest ceased enough for me to bare his presence next to mine. It felt as if his aura were attracting me closer to him. I _wanted _to be closer to him. To speak to him about meaningless things and to have those walks we used to after school. Such meaningless, small events made me quite nostalgic. It washed over me, and soon enough I found myself in his class, standing in front of his chair and looking him in the eyes with the same sad expression he had given me, though maybe worse. Nobody noticed my presence, only Tanuma who had no other choice. He didn't even bother to utter my name in a questioning remark, he only stared at me expectantly as I stood before him like a wordless fool. I would not apologize, for I had done nothing wrong. It was the single arousal of pleasant thoughts that had lured me into him and I'd let myself go. The nostalgia kept washing over me, overflowing me, and I had to leave the room before I became much worse. Tanuma didn't stop me. he seemed to not care if it weren't for his saddened expression. "You should apologize." I said bitterly, not looking him in the eyes, because if I did, I'd probably lose my patience. The burning of my chest was back.

He blinked a few times, as if taking in this information and processing it. "Why should I? I never hurt you." He gave me a cold stare, one he'd never given me before. I could barely even recognize his face, for he'd never looked angry in his life. He'd never showed me that side of him. And to be honest it was quite frightening. My arms began to quiver. I don't know why, but all the feelings that I had been bottling up began to surface. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt the frustrated tears reach my eyelids. No matter how hard I gripped the desk, or how hard I shut my eyes, I could feel them slowly seeping out from their hiding. "Y-You're wrong." I said, burying my fingernails into the wooden desk. I couldn't see his expression through my blurry eyes, all I could see was the frustrated tears that streamed down my cheeks rapidly.

"Natsume, I've done nothing to wrong you. I don't know why you're reacting this way, but-"

He tried to reason. Tried, because I wasn't believing a single words that came out of his mouth. I could see, through my blurry eyes, his desperate attempt to seem innocent, but despite my lack of vision at the moment, I could see the lies all to easily. I could feel he was lying. I knew. I had done nothing to wrong him. He was in the wrong. He should be the one to apologize. "You keep trying to act so innocent yet your lies fall on death ears..." I mumbled unconsciously. I suddenly felt my body lighter, as if I was no longer in control of that quivering body that had broken down in front of a friend. I could see Tanuma's eyes, frightened, confused, and the slightest hint of bitter in them. He took a step forward, trying to reach for my shoulder, to shake me off off this wake, but it was only futile.

"Natsume, I-"

"It's useless to reason Kaname Tanuma..." I heard myself say. I truly felt that I was no longer in control of my body. I could not feel Tanuma's hand on my shoulder, yet I could see him easily from my eyes. He frowned, confused by my words. Words I had never intended to utter. I tried moving, taking back the control I'd lost to something I did neither know nor see, but it was all futile. I was bonded by darkness. I could suddenly feel it closing in on me, holding me back from moving. _What's going on?_ I asked myself over and over, with no answer shown. I don't know how I'd become like this, being controlled over this unknown energy, and I could feel my sanity slipping quickly. I could feel my body being overwhelmed by anger as Tanuma took me by the shoulders and shook me violently, asking "What's wrong with you Natsume? You're not like this? I know you're not!" And he yelled. He yelled so loud that everyone looked our way. Even people from the hallways appeared at the door, mumbling to themselves about the situation. I could not do anything, couldn't even speak for myself. The force that had taken over me pushed Tanuma to the floor.

"There is no saving him anymore, fool!" I heard myself say. Tanuma quickly stood up from the floor and tried to hold me by the shoulders again, but this time I took one of his hands and punched him in the face. "What do you think you're doing? Fighting is useless. There is no saving him! Give up already!" I yelled. I wanted to get out of these boundaries, to punch whatever force or youkai was controlling my body, but no matter how much I struggled, I could not move. I tried yelling Tanuma's name, but when I opened my mouth, no words escaped. I was helpless, as I watched myself punch my friend once again. Tanuma stood up again, wiping the blood off of his nose with an angered face. "You bastard!" He growled, taking the hand I was about to use to punch him, and punching me in the face. I fell back, but held myself steady with the desks behind me. I pushed myself up towards him and tried punching him again, but he pushed me back with much force. This time I fell to the floor, taking some desks with me. Tanuma then grabbed me by the collar, pulling me up, dangerously close to his menacing face. His eyes seemed darker, filled with rage.

"What are you doing with his body? Get out right now" He hissed as he walked towards the black board and pushed my body against it.

"It is none of your concern you foolish human." The youkai said through me, even chuckling lightly as he finished speaking. He grabbed Tanuma's arm tightly, enough to bruise. Tanuma quickly pushed him off. He tried punching my face again, with no avail once my body ducked his fist. My arms looped around his legs, making him fall to the floor. I then pinned him down, holding his legs with mine and punching his face repeatedly. "You are nothing more than a useless human. Just die!" It hissed vilely.

"Stop, you two!" I heard someone yell from the crowd of students that surrounded us. "Someone stop them please." I could hear footsteps coming our way, and once I turned my head to see who it was, Tanuma grabbed my face and pushed me backwards. I hit my head against the floor, hard, and suddenly I felt in control again. I could move my hands freely. I was about to push myself from the floor, but suddenly felt the unbearable pain of the fight course throughout my whole body. I held onto one hand, and as I was about to sit up, Tanuma pulled me up by the collar. I punched him on impulse, the tears falling down my cheeks once I'd realize what I'd done. I grabbed his shirt and shook him, my frustration getting the best of me. "Stop it, stop it!" I said desperately over and over as I felt two hands grab me by the torso.

"Let me go!" Tanuma yelled as two guys held him back. His face was filled with rage and torment, and I stared at him in disbelief. More tears streamed down my cheeks, and once he took a glance at me he stopped trying to force himself off of their grip. His face seemed to fall in gloom. I read my name on his lips, and noticed a slight sparkle in the bottom of his eyes. I stared at him with sad eyes, and a horrifying feeling in my chest as he was taken outside the class. I wanted to apologize, to do something about this, but there was nothing to do.

The youkai had taken over me, in a way that could not be reversed. I could now feel his presence looming inside of me, its dark aura surround me, and controlling my body however it pleased.

That day I returned home bruised. I had a few bandages covering my nose, forehead and cheek, and a patch on the back of my head. I voiced my return and hurried up the stairs to avoid any worry from my foster parents. Touko-San welcomed me back, and asked me to come down for dinner. I declined. I lied and told her I'd already eaten. I lied, again. The mere thought ate me inside out. I hated lying, but I despised making them worry. So I went directly to my room, where I found th clone ayakashi that looked exactly like me. This time it stood in the middle of the room, its hands hidden inside the sleeves of its black kimono. Its eyes were closed, looking down at the floor, looking peaceful, as if it belonged there. For mere curiosity I tried to touch it, and surprisingly felt the soft fabric of its kimono on my fingertips. I looked up at its face, to have it open its golden eyes slowly and look into my own eyes. I felt the resemblance instantly. The empty look that loomed in my eyes, the fake smile that I'd always give people. I felt as if I were looking in a mirror. I reached my hand up, and so did he, mimicking my movement. I touched its cold hands. The energy oozing out of his hands drowned mine. I could feel my consciousness slipping. The harmless ayakashi held me by my shoulders. For the first time since it appeared, its expression changed drastically, from a calm and composed one to a truly frightening one. It's eyes widened, and its smile turned into a sadistic one. And as I fell to the floor, I felt that I'd lost grip of myself.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N:It's been forever! I know. I'm sorry for the long wait, but finally I have updated! :D Just letting you all know that I am definitely finishing this fic. Even if it is 5 years due, I'll always update it eventually.

Thanks to all the people that follow the story and the ones that have reviewd and such; you all really motivated me to write since I was feeling quite guilty for not having updated in so long. I'll try to update sooner though I don't make any promises since I have school work orz. But anyway I do hope you all enjoy this chapter ^_^

Before Reading: (Important*) In my descriptions I tend to change Nyanko-Sensei's name a lot. He has three names, Nyanko, Ponta (which Tanuma names him as) and Madara. I mostly describe him as Ponta in this chapter, and later on I'll settle for Madara since I like the name. Hehe. Just hoping to not confuse anyone. Also I tend to describe him as a youkai and/or ayakashi which is practically the same (or so I think. If I am wrong please correct me. I'm not good at remembering this stuff xD)

* * *

He needed redemption. A way out of it all. Nothing came; well it did but it wasn't enough; his foster parents weren't the problem, they were okay, and if they were okay Natsume wouldn't burden himself with them. The problem was Tanuma, and he wondered _what_ was the problem with Tanuma. What had come to lead him to his outburst, to the way his heart ached in longing for him and to the hatred that would flow through him once he'd stand before him. He contained himself, but sometimes it wasn't enough; the feeling would grow too thick, and he'd have no other choice but to run away. He didn't want to hurt Tanuma. Why would he want to hurt such a precious friend, one that had helped him endlessly without even asking? He desperately longed for him, but he chuckled bitterly and remembered the burning feeling in his chest that made him run away every time he faced the raven. His fists trembled by his sides as he walked throughout the forest like any other day, but unlike any other day his aura was dark as these thoughts and wonders aroused in his head. The youkai that had come to treat him so familiarly and even long for his presence, stared at him from afar, as if he were another one of those bitter human beings. They'd notice how his spiritual energy seemed to ooze off negativity, and how he seemed like a complete different person. They kept their distance, looking at the boy with sad eyes, thinking this would've happened sooner or later. "All humans are the same..." One of them mumbled sadly. The others exchanged looks with him in agreement, seeing no other opinion valid.

"But Natsume is-" One of them began trying to defend the helpless human, but was quickly cut off by the other.

"Even the kindest of humans have darkness within them. Natsume is the worse of them all." He shook his head sadly and watched from his peripheral vision as Natsume disappeared into the forest. "It's quite depressing actually..." He mumbled. Further behind them, Nyanko-Sensei was perched in a tree, watching his human master in this state. He shook his head, as if agreeing with the youkai on their point of view.

...

At school, Taki and Tanuma walked side by side, all differences forgotten. They could both come to terms, even without exchanging a single word, their eyes said enough, the situation before them was much evident for words to be needed. Both of them knew what to do; Look for Natsume. Once they spotted him entering the school gates Tanuma hesitated, slowing his pace even though Taki practically speed walked his way. The previous situation came flooding back to his head. That fight, those dreadful words he'd said, that strange _thing _that had taken over his friend.

Instantly Taki turned to the rave, frown on her face, cutting off his thoughts as she signaled for him to continue walking alongside her. Said boy nodded his head slowly, hesitant at best despite being fixed on finding out the truth, on getting to the bottom of his beloved friend's behavior. Natsume wasn't with Ponta as he'd usually be accompanied by, and by the sight of the boy he knew he had become worse, much more than before. He walked as if he were a mere puppet, looking down at the ground with no expression lighting up his face. Once Taki stopped before Natsume, demanding his attention, he looked up with his dark shaded brown eyes that took them both aback. Dull eyes with so much as the ray of sun to glint on them, they stared back oddly, as if looking at two complete strangers and not at the two single human beings he'd call beloved friends.

"N-Natsume...?" Taki uttered his name in shock. These were not the eyes she remembered, filled with joy by the simplest things in life. They were dark, masked with what seemed like blank; like nothing was there. He reacted by lifting his head only an inch, waiting for her to continue her sentence. "Are you alright Natsume?" She questioned in fear of hearing the boy's answer.

Natsume smirked, looking almost sinister as he shook his head again. "No." Light footsteps made their way past the two _friends. _His answer was simple although his voice sounded strained, crackled, so unlike the Natsume Tanuma knew. The real Natsume would hide his pains just to not make them worry, the real Natsume would look into his eyes, would give him a smile even if it was completely sheepish and fake. He was always so gentle, conformist, yet the Natsume before him was hollow. He spoke little, and when he spoke, when those hazel eyes truly stared his way they were filled with rage, an immense hate Tanuma was not sure where or when it had emerged.

"This isn't right. He- He's..." His eyes widened, looking shocked, realization taking place in his thoughts. "Taki, please keep an eye on Natsume, I have to do something." He said desperately to Taki. The thought of studying wasn't even a fact in his head, it was completely out. Natsume was much more important than his grades, he didn't care at the moment. He'd get it. This was all wrong and he _needed _to fix this, to fix his precious friend.

On the other hand the girl had not clicked with his thoughts. She stared at the raven with a puzzled look, about to question him if it were not for him speaking over her voice.

"Please Taki, just trust me, he'll be okay. I'm gonna go get help, so do me this favor, do it for Natsume, please." He slightly bowed his head, hoping the gesture would make her understand his desperation, would make her comply, to trust him as he'd never been trusted before.

Taki shook her head sadly and gave a sheepish smile. The urgency in the boy's voice was so evident, so horrible for her to hear. She knew things weren't alright, she knew something was wrong but it had only clicked as soon as she allowed the raven to run off with her agreement to help.

Tanuma ran out the gates and towards the forest, leaving all hesitation behind, having nothing but helping Natsume in mind. He ran full speed, looking all ways, passing by countless of trees that made a swishing sound as he dashed pass them. Whatever he sought did not seem to be in sight. The forests appeared to be empty, not a ghoul in sight. The search never ceased, even as his frantic voice began to fill the air, hope his voice would travel along with the breeze, arrive at the ears of the one he so desperately sought. "Ponta!" His scanning eyes making sure to spot the faintest of details up in the trees. He needed to find him, the sneaky cat that could either be in his spirit form or in his fake form, it was tricky but this didn't bring Tanuma down the least bit. He was finding the youkai no matter what, for he had the answer to this bizarre situation, he _had_ to know what was going on. Ponta was the only one that could help right now, he'd have to know. He knew more than anyone else, more than Taki, and far more than himself.

Soon enough his throat began to burn from the shouts, his voice consequently becoming hoarse. His breath was beginning to come out in hyperventilating pants, and his steps get heavier by the second, until he stopped in front of one of Taki's circles and fell to his knees in exhaustion. "_I can't give up!"_ He thought as he tried painstakingly to rise back up, get to his feet but it was futile, his legs trembled underneath him, and he was sure that if he were to stand up, to shout again his body would become numb from the seething pain caused by his legs and throat. Closing his eyes for a minute, hoping this would cease the frantic breathing and the tremulous, painful legs, he heard a deem, somewhat frightening voice boom out of nowhere. "You are one of Natsume's friends are you not?"

A huge, horse-like youkai stood before him. Tall and giant, he was taken aback by the frightening appeal of the youkai. He almost didn't respond to the questioning remark the ayakashi had inflicted if he had not heard the name of Natsume being uttered through those thick lips of his. "Y-Yes." Tanuma affirmed, voice slightly quivering as he lifted up his head in attempts to stare at the ayakashi's face. As his dark eyes began to observe him more intently, notice the peaceful expression he beheld, he didn't seem as frightening, as menacing as he did a few seconds ago.

"I am Misuzu. You must be Kaname Tanuma. I've heard a lot of you from Natsume-dono. Since you are one of Natsume's precious friends I will help you in whatever you need." He spoke with simplicity, as if it was his duty to serve those Natsume affiliated with. The youkai had immense respect for the human. He'd grown fond of him throughout the ages, and it indeed felt like a duty to help someone who wished to help Natsume also.

The words uttered by the youkai relieved the raven so much, brought him hope, and even made him forget his tremulous legs, which now supported him up easily. Misuzu was a youkai, he had to at least know of Ponta's whereabouts, or maybe even a solution to his worries. "Have you seen Ponta anywhere. I really need to speak to him." He asked as a first, not wanting to trouble the youkai who seemed to care very much for Natsume.

"Ponta? I know not of any youkai with such name." Musuzu said with a frown upon his large face, easily recognized by the human boy before him.

Tanuma mirrored his gesture as he tried remembering the real name of the one he sought. It was such a complex name for him, he'd never bother to call him by it since he never truly needed it, not as much until now. "I-I mean N-Nyanko-Sensei..." He said slowly, hoping he'd got the name correctly for the first time in his life.

Misuzu's expression turned from puzzled to understanding. "Madara?" He exclaimed the fake cat's name as if to clarify the raven's puzzled look. "He's been around the forest. I asked him why he was not guarding Natsume but he looked at me and then walked away. He's acting very idiotic. He's kept himself isolated for some time now."

Tanuma's eyes widened. Not only was Natsume acting weird, but Ponta as well. There was obviously a connection, a link of some sort for both companions were acting in an unusual way. He needed to figure out what to do about them, to know what had happened, and find someone that could help. Well maybe Misuzu could help, he looked to be powerful. It was an door of opportunity opening itself right in front of him and he just _had _to take it. "Misuzu-San, Natsume and _Madara _have had this strange behavior for quite some time. It must have something to do with youkai because Natsume would never acts as he is acting now. I beg for your help." He bowed his head much more than needed and prayed that Misuzu would accept.

"Natsume is troubled?" The youkai asked, large eyes slightly opening up like light bulbs. "Hmm. I accept to help considering it is Natsume. What shall you do about this?" He asked.

Thankful and a little bit giddy that he'd accepted to help, he looked up at the ayakashi with a bright face. "We need to find Madara first, he must know what is going on." He said firmly, referring to the guardian cat by his true name, finding it not only to be much more simple than the name "Nyanko-Sensei" but thinking it would be much suited to speak the name to Misuzu, taken in consideration his previous reaction.

Misuzu nodded his head, or what looked like a nod, for his giant head only moved a centimeter downwards. "I will take you to where he is, but I do warn you, that he will not answer you." He stretched out his giant hand, offering the boy to climb up. Tanuma carefully climbed up to his palm, positioning himself right in the middle, feeling oddly comfortable, though maintaining a strained stanza. As Misuzu began to take flight, the image the raven had of the youkai's body disappeared right before his eyes. As if he were flying in mid air, the wind flowing along with him, taking him to his destination. He nearly had a heart attack, nearly fell off the palm of Misuzu if he had not grasped the fur that stuck up around his grasp, clutching onto it for dear life. The bright image of the forest down bellow made him calm a little bit, knowing he was right in place. Even the wind blowing lightly on his face made him calm, until suddenly he began falling downwards, and despite the feel of Misuzu's warm body underneath him, he still panicked, almost even screamed if he had not clutched the fur of the youkai more. The landing was at least safe. He hadn't even realized he'd closed his eyes until he felt he was stable, the breeze stopping momentarily and a voice that indicated they had arrived. Opening one eye slowly, followed by the other, the image of a small lake stood before his vision. Nothing was on sight, other than one of Taki's circles which she had successfully placed in most parts of the forest.

The palm he sat upon rested on the ground, and he jumped down, careful not to trip by one of Misuzu's invisible parts. Soon enough the ayakashi made himself visible by the circle, allowing the human to perceive him. "Although you cannot see him, Madara is over there." He pointed a large horse-like hand towards a single spot by the lake; a small shade which Tanuma noticed to be in a particular form; the shape of Ponta's true form.

He scanned the spot before beginning to walk forward to the single area. Blind to this world he was, yet that did not stop him from looking for a solution. In his mind he pondered the words endlessly _"I must save Natsume."_ He was fixed on the matter, and he'd do anything that would take to help his precious friend. The thought crossed his mind and he stopped a moment. _Precious_. Such a simple word, yet the definition was so much more than just mere letters. He smiled at the thought of Natsume being happy, and the thought that he could make him feel this way. For some reason he wanted to _be_ with him, he didn't know why, but the feeling just lingered in his chest, and even though Natsume was being somewhat stubborn, and very unlike himself, Tanuma couldn't help but to worry. He worried endlessly, and he had to do something, anything to find a solution, thus he'd blindly walk through this unknown world of spirits in order to help Natsume, and this was the first step in doing so.

He looked up at the spot Misuzu had pointed out, the spot he could clearly see the silhouette of the youkai. At least it was something. He felt a bit prideful that he could at least see this, at least he wasn't entirely blind. This was another step forward; another step in saving Natsume. With much hope he stood before the form, hoping it was close enough, that he was staring him right in the face of the ayakashi as he began to speak. "Ponta, what are you doing here?" He asked as a beginning, just to not be too direct. But still this question was necessary. He needed to know why he wasn't guarding Natsume as he was supposed to do. He knew the cat always ran off to his own things, but this was too much. He hadn't seen him in such a long time.

The fake cat, in his spirit form, looked down at the human in slight disbelief. He'd noticed how he stared at him right in the eyes even though he could not see him, and was actually amazed by this fact. When the question had finally processed in his head, he turned into his cat form, one which Tanuma could see, just so he could simplify the human's life. But the cat was stubborn; he wouldn't accept the boy's abilities all that much, he only accepted Natsume's and only because he was the grandson of Reiko, if not he'd just shut him off. Everything he wanted _was _the book of friends after all.

He looked up at him with his small, furry face, what seemed like a scowl leaving his tiny mouth. "It's none of your concern human." Although bitter, the gesture was so humorous for the raven, Tanuma couldn't help but chuckle despite the tension in his chest.. Not giving up on the matter though, he knelt down besides him and looked him in the eyes. "Ponta, Natsume is in trouble, you know that right? I-I don't know what's wrong but certainly you-"

"Shut up." Ponta uttered solemnly, ignoring Tanuma as he jumped further away from him.

Tanuma frowned, feeling annoyed and desperate. He felt like screaming at the so called guardian for being so careless as to let such a thing, whatever that _thing_ was, happen to Natsume. He didn't know, but he would find out no matter what the cost. "Natsume isn't okay! You have to know that! He's not being himself. There has to be something wrong, maybe a spirit possessed him. There must be something we can do! There must be something I-"

"No! There is nothing we can do! That human is helpless. He's let the spirit fall in too deep!" Ponta retorted viciously, eyes filled with fury. "There's nothing left to do!"

"NO!" Tanuma stated firmly in utter denial, discarding the menacing look given by the cat. "What's wrong with you?! I don't know how or when this, or whatever it is, began, but I am certain I will fix this. I can do it!" He was decided. Nothing would stop him from achieving this. He needed to save Natsume. He so desperately needed to do this, and the cat would not be an obstacle in his way, on the contrary, he would be someone of help. Tanuma needed Ponta to be on his side at such a vital time as this was.

But as always Ponta was stubborn. He would not listen to Tanuma's reasoning. He continued to scoff, to put up an incredulous face that pretty much looked down on him. "A mere human like you cannot do a thing for another helpless human! He's involved himself too much. If you continue this ways you'll end up the same!"

"Shut up!" Tanuma yelled bitterly, this time he'd lost it. Hands trembling at his sides as his worst expectation became a reality confirmed by the spirit cat. He didn't want to admit to himself how utterly scared he was on the inside for his beloved, his friend that he loved so much. Yes, he loved Natsume because he missed him; he missed being around him when he wasn't acting so strangely, and those awkward yet comforting and sweet conversations they'd share between classes. He loved that, and he was not ready to let go in such a drastic way. He'd find a way to fix this, no matter what the spirit cat told him. Even if they said there was no way of fixing this, he'd find an answer in the depths of the darkness, because he couldn't let things go so easily. He _wouldn't _accept this truth.

"Face the reality kid. Natsume is helpless. If I come near him I don't know what the spirit might do. It is unknown, barely seen in the spirit world. Such youkai are utterly dangerous. They feed on darkness which Natsume contains in the depths of his heart. He's being consumed by it. It's too late."

"No. It's not too late..." Tanuma uttered darkly. The cat's words practically resonated off his chest. Unacceptance written all over him. He was not taking this. He was not allowing these facts to be a truth for him. There was always a light in the dark tunnel, and maybe Tanuma found it. He _had_ to find it. He had a Plan B, he'd always had even before such an event occurred. When the guardian would be of no use, when he was left all by himself to find a solution. "Madara, please take me to Natori-San. He might be the only solution to this problem. You might not know of a cure, but there is a possibility he does. I beg you!" He bowed his head slightly, trying to be as polite as he could. This was the only choice available. He was sure Natsume wouldn't approve though. He hated the man so much, despite their affiliations. Natori was an exorcist after all. Tanuma didn't mind him despite Natsume's ideal on the man. He seemed pleasant, but since Natsume didn't like him Tanuma had second thoughts of him. He kept him at distance and never bothered to associate himself with him if it was not necessary. But this time was desperate, and desperate times called for desperate measures. Natori was the first person to pop in his head besides Ponta, and even if the fake cat wouldn't take him he'd find himself to Natori's place, somehow, he definitely would.

The spirit cat on the other hand was taken aback by his sudden request, and the way he'd addressed him. It was just so unexpected. The youkai could see the desperation in the human boy's eyes, the way his arms trembled in anticipation, the obvious weary in his dark eyes. The cat was indeed stubborn. He was about to scoff once again, to yell at the boy to just forget it if it had not been for the youkai behind Tanuma. Narrowed eyes, a frown in his face. He looked angered. The face of one looking down on him. He couldn't bare such a look. The tension in the air was suffocating the raven as he waited for Ponta to reply, releasing as soon as the youkai sighed, giving up on fighting back. He'd decide that he'd try it out. He gave a simple vocalization of agreement as he began walking in the direction of Misuzu, the horse youkai stepping away from the circle to become invisible to human eyes. In exchange Ponta turned to his original form and stood on the circle for Tanuma's sake.

"Your enthusiasm irks me, but I can't stand you pressing on the fact so much. The least I can do is take you to him, but I warn you he'll say the same thing I did." Ponta warned, looking down at the human with strict eyes. The boy was so helpless, it was practically pathetic to look at him, but the fake cat's heart wouldn't allow him to ignore his beginning for some strange reason. Maybe he was wrong, but he was too selfish to believe it so easily.

Tanuma smiled up in relief at the youkai. "Thanks Ponta." He said, excitement filling his voice as he approached him. The youkai looked back at him with angered eyes, clearly evident he had not liked the way he quickly fell back to the nickname.

"I prefer if you'd call me by my actual name." He stated , feeling the name to be so foolish. Tanuma hadn't realized the approach the fake cat took whenever he'd call him by the silly name, but he did for the mere fact that Nyanko-Sensei was too difficult to pronounce. Calling him by Madara also sounded far too formal, but the boy would settle for this. At the moment he didn't care, all he cared about was finding a way to save Natsume.

"Alright Madara, please take me to Natori-San." He spoke strictly, giving the youkai a composed look but his insides trembling in anticipation. Madara allowed the human boy to climb up to his back, ignoring the tugging and pulling of his fur as he did so. The action reminded him of Natsume, and how careless he was when he'd climb onto his back.

Natsume.

Madara discarded any thoughts of the vulnerable boy before taking flight signaling for Misuzu to come along as his form disappearing before Tanuma's eyes. The youkai nodded his large head and followed along, taking his own flight beisdes Madara.

The frightening fear had almost returned if it were not for the sensation of the spirit animal's fur caressing his bare skin as it danced along the breeze. They flew for quite some time, allowing Tanuma to admire the world bellow. He could see the fields, the countless of houses and people moving about the town. It was afternoon, the sun shining down at the far off ocean, making it sparkle, making it look so ravishing. Dark orbs stared in wonder at the sights before him, allowing his problems to drain away from him momentarily.

The thought of Natsume vanished, the though of some strange spirit living inside his beloved friend, the thought that it might not be reversible, that there could be no actual way to save him, all vanished by the beautiful sight before him. He wondered if Natsume saw this all the time, if this was a usual view for him, every time he rode on the youkai's back. He wished the boy was here, along side him, watching the sun beginning to set by the sea. It was amazing, out of a painting. Dark eyes stared in awe, until he felt himself beginning to lower to a specific spot and all the worried came rushing back up. _Natsume, Natsume, Natsume._

He would find a way. This was another step. He'd manage to take a first step, and now came the second. Natori would help. Natori _had _to help. He'd save Natsume; Tanuma would find a way, no matter what the cost.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Ah, I finally got to update this story. Took me a while since I had many different versions of this, but I'm glad I did. I've been gaining a lot of followers recently, so thank you for both your time reading this and your patience with following this story. I have many things in stock though I am yet to plot out the ending which now I doubt will come too soon.

I do hope this chapter is well liked ^_^

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A gush of wind came dancing along with the creaking of the door, making the raven visitor shield his face with both arms, sighting nothing once the breeze ceased and his eyes adjusted to the view. Despite what looked like a deserted house, Tanuma could sense something abnormal; this familiar feeling was unmistakable; even without knowing its origin, he did not doubt it; the presence of a youkai standing before him.

Nothing stood at sight though; even if he were to narrow his eyes in vain attempts of vision. Simply the insides of the small, common lodge, containing the usual bearings a home would contain; but a carpet, a couch, a bookshelf filled with nameless varieties of books, and a hallway that lead to different rooms. Though what made the room unappealing and unusual was the obscurity; an enigmatic sense; something that foretold this place hid its own secrets. In its physique there was nothing special about it, but the feeling that clung to the air, to his chest was enough to fill his determination. The feeling of knowing something was there- even if he could not see it with his dark blue hues- he was sure there was something; _anything_. An indescribable emotion, but a sense nonetheless. This was probably the only opportunity he had and he wouldn't let it go to waste just because he was blind to its sight, because he could not see what stood before him.

"I know you're there." There was no uncertainty in his tone of voice; no mischief. He spoke with gravity, sternly without missing a beat, to indicate just how strict, how serious he was to be. That he knew something was before him.

And indeed the ayakashi heard. In fact she was surprised, left aghast. Eyes widened behind the mask as she stared at the human boy. Could this mere human truly see her? Or was he simply playing around? If so, his ability had increased grandly. She instantly recognized him as Natsume's friend. The one he always spoke of every time they conversed. The human seemed to be _precious_ to the book of friend's holder. His visit was unexpected though. This boy, Tanuma Kaname as she recalled, his abilities were not skilled enough to see her or any spirit for that matter, but still he stood before her, looking her right in the eyes despite the mask shielding her face. That simple look that felt as though he was staring down at her. It was amazing; mesmerizing. But how?

"You can see me?" she asked, only to receive no response. As expected. Even though she was much relieved it was still odd, the look the boy had given her. He did not move even as she spoke words falling on death ears, hoping for something to come out because surely Natori had to be there. Doors didn't just open by themselves. He wished he could see, could hear the youkai before him but it was futile. Even if he narrowed his eyes, it was but a pathetic attempt.

Hiiragi watched for a few more seconds until she noticed Madara and Misizu lurking behind the human, watching as he stood before the house in hopes for an answer that never came to him. Both youkai approached him only to meet with the spirit woman.

"Ah Hiiragi, you're here. Not that you never are," Madara spoke playfully as he stood besides Tanuma in his cat form, a silly grin adorning his kitty features.

At the cat's words Tanuma frantically looked down at him and back up at the empty spot, searching desperately for the spirit even though he knew he wouldn't be able to do so. "W-Where is she?" he fretted.

"I am here Tanuma Kaname," Hiiragi stated simply as she watched the raven boy in his desperation. There was nothing she could do of his blindness of ayakashi, but at least she could allow her presence to be felt. Bringing a hand to touch his shoulder, the raven instantly looked at where she was, realization drawing over his face. He sighed in relief, a light smile forming curving his lips. He'd acted so desperately and now that he realized so he felt quite silly.

"Thank goodness you're here Hiiragi, even though I can't see you." He chuckled sadly. "Can you tell me where Natori-San is? I really need to speak with him." He got right to the point, knowing just how little time he had, that which he was unsure of.

This was indeed an unusual visit. Hiiragi wished to interrogate the human, for Tanuma never visited Natori so casually, alas, it had been months since their last encounter, what could Tanuma want so suddenly? She looked at Madara with questioning eyes, hoping he could answer her thousands of questions but declining on even asking. She was sure her questions would be answered soon, and she was sure it'd be best to wait.

Without another word she took Tanuma's sleeve and lightly dragged him into the house, he whom allowed for the youkai to lead the way, knowing and feeling he was safe at her grasp. Even if it was strange, having an invisible force indicate the path he was to take, he was alright with it, he coped, after all this was all for Natsume. He needed to find an answer no matter what.

"I should leave this task to you Madara," Misizu suddenly spoke up, making the cat youkai turned to face the larger spirit. "I shall go watch over Natsume-Dono. It is my duty now that you've lost the will to do so yourself."

Madara shook his head sadly. It was not that he'd lost his will but that there was no longer any hope for the human boy. What was there to do when the possession had sunk in too deep for it to be reversed, for the malign youkai to be repressed? He was sure that the human boy's desperate attempts to seek a cure, some type of loop hole out of this was only futile. He was sure of it yet he followed along, even if he did not believe in anything. Even Misizu had been dragged down into this mess, wanting to help, to do something. So what was he supposed to do?

With a sigh he nodded his small head. "Do as you please Misuzu. But I do warn you, what you'll see is not Natsume any more, the youkai has sunk in too deep. I don't even believe-"

The angered eyes of the horse youkai told him enough to shut his mouth. After a moment of silence and the looks of both Tanuma and a puzzled Hiiragi, the youkai flew off towards Natsume's whereabouts.

The words inflicted by the fake cat impacted Hiiragi, gave the inquisitive yokai some hints as to _what_ was going on. But Natsume...What did he mean by Natsume not being himself any more? More questions flooded her head as she continued to lead the way, wordlessly, of course.

Stepping down a flight of stairs they reached a small room composing of many bookshelves and a desk, in which Natori sat before. He seemed to be working on something as he he sketched something with quick movements.

"Natori, Tanuma Kaname is here to see you," The assistant informed her master, disrupting him off his busy work.

The reaction given by the working exorcist was one Hiiragi had expected to see, had perceived beforehand. Shooting his head upright to come in sight with the human boy, auburn hues locking on those of onyx. Had he heard correctly? Tanuma Kaname? Natsume's friend? Confusions struck him at the instance of he visitor's name escaping his guardian's breath, and a wonder: just how did this human boy found his residence? What was the meaning of this unexpected visit? Surely Natsume must have spoken badly of him for the blonde despised him for his working; to have the blond boy's best friend visit without warning, without even the _said_ boy was strange to many extents. Something was wrong, for this visit was not to be welcomed with wide, open arms.

Sliding his glasses off and placing them carefully upon the wooden desk, the blonde turned on his chair to see Tanuma, all in flesh and bone, looking quite grave. What surprised the exorcist most was the fact that Natsume's guardian cat stood besides him, meaning he was not with Natsume, was not guarding the boy.

The exorcist stood up from his spot, the fake smirk that had began forming onto his lips long one; there was no cunning words in what seemed like a grave situation, that of judgement from the people that stop here and _he_ who was not.

"Tanuma, it's been a while," he said nonchalantly as he took a few light steps towards the raven who simply nodded his head in agreement. "This is quite unusual. I never expected to meet you like this. Surely there must be _something_ wrong?" He was brief, direct, knowing the casualties of this meeting were in no way _casual_. His questioning remark was answer with a nod from the boy, confirming just what he'd hypothesized, what he'd feared.

Tanuma was unsure how to explain the situation to the exorcist. Quite complex was it, but he needed to let the words out. This man was his one last hope. It was either him or seeing his precious friend die by the hands of an evil youkai, and he would not stand for such an option, wouldn't be able to live with himself. As he opened his mouth to speak he prayed this man had the answer to all his problems.

"Natsume...Natsume isn't Natsume anymore," he began simply, only to receive a puzzled look by the blond man, whom didn't neither comprehend nor truly grasp those directed his way. Consequently sighing, the raven tried a different choice of words, carefully, thoroughly pondered on.

"Natsume got possessed by a youkai." It was much harder to admit it aloud than within. He didn't want to accept this fact, that his best friend, the boy he so much treasured and trusted was no longer himself.

"Possessed?!" The exclamation of the simple words made Tanuma snap out of his sudden trail of thoughts to pay much more attention to the exorcist before him. He cringed slightly at the reaction, told him enough to have fear edging in. "When did this happen? How was I not informed of this earlier?" His gaze shifted to his youkai companions whom exchanged no sign of acknowledging the man's words or, moreover, fearing to have to answer truth.

"Where is he? Where's Natsume?" he asked when no response came, not even from the raven boy that so desperately sought his help. Why he hadn't retorted was beyond him, but something held him back. The thought of Natsume; the sudden shock of truth; of reality. That perhaps Ponta had been in truth all along...

No, he couldn't stay this way, couldn't think such thoughts! Shaking his head he payed full attention to the man before him. This was the only hope. This was the only way to save him...The man that needed to have the answer was right before him!

"I last saw him at school. It-It got worse. Today...well today he's nothing like himself. He-" Why was he stuttering? He needed to speak clearly in order for Narori to understand yet it was like he was afraid of his own words, of knowing the truth Ponta spoke of. A truth he would deny wholeheartedly, even if it was to be confirmed by the man he hoped would speak otherwise.

It took little time for the exorcist to spring into action. After confirming the exact location of Natsume he rushed Tanuma and Madara to follow him, along with Hiiragi whom would always stick by her master's side.

"We need to hurry before it becomes worse. Though I do not know of his condition or the youkai that possessed him," he began as he gathered some objects into a bag and returned to face his servant. "iragi, transport us to Natsume's school."

Neither the exorcist nor the servant gave any time for the raven boy to exclaim signs of acknowledgement as they all poofed into nothingness. Before Tanuma could even recoil new thoughts his eyes reopened before the school entrance. Startled he took a few steps back, disbelieved by the sight before him. Though he knew he shouldn't be. There was no time to be as surprised as this. But...how sudden. How unexpected it was, that a few seconds ago he'd stood in the residence of Natori, miles away from his school and now...

Now he could see Natsume sitting by the window of his home room.

"There...he's in class!" he exclaimed so the others could hear. Natori instantly shot his head to wheres the boy had pointed, glassed eyes narrowing to make out the boy in much more detail.

"We need to get closer in order for me to examine him. Hiiragi!" The youkai nodded her head instantly at her master's vocalization, and once again they were all off, reappearing before the window Natsume sat by. But something much more startling happened, and this time Tanuma couldn't help the yelp that escaped his mouth before Hiiragi went to cover his mouth with her palm. It only took the boy a few seconds before he recoiled and Hiiragi finally let go of his mouth.

"W-We're floating...?"

It was unbelievable. The feeling of not touching the ground so effortlessly. Tanuma couldn't help but stare down at the ground beneath him in amazement, but soon enough fell back to reality. His head shot back up in sight of the exorcist. In sight of Natsume.

Natori observed an oblivious Natsume. One that stared at nothing in particular. As the teacher lectured the class of a particular subject the boy seemed dazed by nothing. In a trance. In a dream like state. The exorcist said nothing. Simply continued his observation, no vocalization, no change of expression but the gravity beheld in it for the longest time, nothing. And Tanuma couldn't help but internally fret. Wishing to be able to read minds, he watched from Natori to Natsume, in hopes that either of them would speak up though it was absurd. Natsume couldn't-

"W-Wait...how can they not see us?" The sudden wonder emerged to the raven's head. It was a class filled with students, that could easily make out their form if they were to gaze out the window, so why...

"You're under a type of spell I suppose you could say. It is courtesy of my transportation. There is no need to worry, Natsume won't notice." Hiiragi spoke reassuringly to a nodding Tanuma. It made sense. It eased up Tanuma's shoulders...somewhat.

But not enough for the receding actions. For what was to come next. The mere voice of Natori's wondrous voice; the fear he suddenly perceived within it brought the raven's skin on edge; his heart to skip several beats; for that horrid truth to reappear. "It can't be..."

Dark eyes returned to sight the form of his beloved friend, only to see something different. Something that was indeed no longer the boy he was much too fond of.

Dull auburn eyes, pale skin, practically grey from lack of sunlight. The expression beheld within that face was no longer the pacific boy he spent his days besides. A manacle face. Eyes no longer in oblivion as they stared directly at the exorcist's, practically showing fangs as he smiled sinister-like.

A piercing voice seeped in his head, and Tanuma thought he'd gone crazy if he had not noticed the others shocked eyes, meaning it was not only him that heard the voice.

"There is nothing you can do. Fools! You're all idiots for even attempting to free this pathetic human~!" The voice mused, laughter evident in its background, of a morphed voice. Either male or female, but truly frightening.

"Hiiragi!"

Before Tanuma could yelp in fear, fall from the power Hiiragi held them within, they disappeared, only to reappear on firm ground.

What was this? The voice rolled inside the raven's head, unable to stop it.

_There is nothing you can do..._

_Nothing you can do..._

_Nothing..._

"NO! I- I need to save Natsume. I- if I don't...I-I-" Much too grave was it, how the truth clung onto him, squeezed his chest and head in acceptance. Wishing to be recognized, confirmed. Tanuma wouldn't allow it. Once again, he would never give in to the truth he desperately called a lie. "I can't let my friend die! I-"

Tanuma hadn't realized he'd been hyperventilating until a heavy hand fell on his back. A fit of coughs came consequently, violently, soon followed by a sigh of relief. He'd become short breathed. It was but the shock of the youkai, the voice that screeched within his head, the reality that all came much too quickly.

"Tanuma, calm down," spoke Natori as he rubbed the boy's back soothingly, though the man gave him a pitiful look, and when Tanuma looked up at the megane with normal breath he frowned.

something was wrong within that auburn gaze.

"Tell me Natori, what happened?" Tanuma asked once the palm of Natori came off of his shoulders, praying good notes had been taken, though he knew very well it was quite the opposite. That sight was one of a presage- an omen- one that would forever etch his mind.

The exorcist only shook his head, leaving a long pause behind his masked facade. Leaving but a desperate Tanuma in await for an answer. His face became twisted with impatience, and a frightened look hidden within his eyes.

Something was wrong, and Natori surely did not want to worry him more than he already was. But Tanuma needed to know. The wait became too grave, and it felt as though he'd become suffocated if another second passed by without a word, without knowing if Natsume was to be okay; a confirmation; a sign of reassurance, anything!

"Natori-San! Tell me, please! I need to know-"

"There's nothing that can be done Tanuma! Nothing!"

Perhaps the words the man spoke were mistaken, or was his hearing deceiving him? Yes, this had to be it. It was not possible for his only hope to speak words he'd never want to hear. To confirm the frightening truth.

No. Of course not! He'd simply heard wrong. That was definitely it. He'd heard-

The look given by the exorcist was one that practically broke his heart in two, shattered it and scattered it onto the ground into nothingness.

What was this feeling? What was this sudden mist that masked his eyes? Why was he smiling? Why did he feel a strange sensation at the tip of his throat? Something wanting to escape, yet somehow Tanuma did not want it to escape. He wouldn't allow it. He-couldn't.

"Don't say such lies Natori-San. This is no time to fool around. There- There has to be something, y-yeah? You can't-"

"There's nothing I can do...but" The exorcist's face turned rough, as if in deep thought, a deep self fight that could not be settled. Somehow it seemed he wished not to gaze at the face of the raven boy, masked in despair, in lights of hope shading in darkness. It was but the next syllable that brightened it so. How sudden the change was. To anyone that was to see would be mesmerized by how abrupt the change was.

The heart skipped, and his attention was full on him. Another light of hope. It was but that simple word that kept him going. Told him there was hope.

_But_ changed everything.

"There is indeed...one way...perhaps. A way...that is not at my grasp," he spoke slowly, debating on the next words he was to say. Carefully choosing each word, though leaving nothing behind. His face was grave in thought, and soon he came to finally look up at Tanuma with much more confidence, and slight reassurance, though doubt, immense doubt in his orbs.

He didn't allow for Tanuma to ask what it was, he simply raised a hand to stop the bombard of questions that were sure to come next, only to give himself more time to choose his words, ponder on the matter with much intensity.

"It may not be effective. That youkai...it's not just any youkai. It's one of a kind. It's one I have never dealt with. It's power...it's beyond my own. The only ones I know that have been faced with such is...the Matoba clan."

The mention of said clan was enough for the raven's eyes to widen; for current of thoughts to freeze up, for Natori was not finished speaking. But when he was his expression made no cease, only worsened it, only brought about a different approach on the matter.

"Perhaps even the only ones that could exorcist it out."


End file.
